Tuesday, February 26, 2013

On the Pants Paradox

The other day I played a practical joke on my fiance: while he was in the shower, I stole his clean pj pants he set on the floor of the bathroom and hid them (partially due to his always leaving things on the floor, and partially because he is so unobservant that I figured he really wouldn't be able to find them). Anyway, he didn't take this very well and to smooth things over, I sent him the following email:

Dear M,

Last night you were the victim of a practical joke in which a pair of your pants was taken from the bathroom whilst you showered, and subsequently could not be found upon your exit from the shower. Through a curious turn of events, said pants ended up on my person, where you did not find them for a significant length of time.
You became a bit snippy upon this discovery, and demanded I return said pants to their place (that is, on your shelf, as you had retrieved another pair of pants for wearing). I refused, and now feel it is my duty to give you appropriate reasoning for my refusal besides "I am not your maid."
When you retrieved a secondary pair of pants, you created what I will henceforth call "the Pants Paradox." The original pair of pants, which should have been worn on your person, were on the original timeline. When you obtained the second pair of pants, this created an alternate timeline in which the original pair of pants should not have existed. As the creator of this paradox, you were the only one who could rectify the situation without the time-pant-space continuum imploding. Thus, it was wholly necessary that you be responsible for returning the original pair of pants to their location on the shelf, restoring the time-pant-space continuum as we know it.

In other words, next time don't be so snippy.



Readers--have you ever played a practical joke on your significant other? How did it turn out?
Also, how do you deal with your significant other or roommate leaving things everywhere?

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